There's no right way to grieve

There's no right way to grieve

Grief is a personal journey and there is no one-size-fits-all approach, every individual navigates it differently and no one should ever be judged for it. The way a person copes with the loss of a child or the length of time shouldn’t be a subject for debate.

It’s impossible to know how you’ll react until faced with such a painful event and therefore I’ve never understood how someone can be judgemental of another. Some are silent and deal with it alone. Whilst others want to shout from every rooftop. Neither response is right or wrong and it’s possible to switch between both.

Too many times grievers are forced to explain their actions and justify their reasoning. Despite questions contributing to additional emotional strain, they still come. For some reason people believe it’s their place to not only analyse how they think someone is coping but to voice it too.

Such a lot of forced opinions in the form of ‘shoulds’ are heard, suggestions such as:
“You should go to counselling”
“You should move on”
“You should be dealing with things better”.

“You shouldn’t linger in grief for too long”
“You shouldn’t let that affect you”
“You shouldn’t keep bringing them up”

Instead of being allowed the space to feel however it is you feel, grievers are subject to continuous questioning. Particularly in the case of baby loss.

The length of grief is probably the most discussed subject of all. With the expectation that the grief should diminish by the one-year mark and a significant shift in understanding and empathy once that time has gone. This gives the impression that people don’t care or have run out of patience and leaves those grieving feeling judged.

To assist in someone’s healing process, it’s crucial to set aside any personal feelings and provide unwavering support. Remember they aren’t choosing to feel this way and none of it is their fault. Approach with the kindness and understanding you would desire in this situation.
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