Suicidal thoughts

Suicidal thoughts

On my walk today, I went past a spot that stopped me in my tracks. A wooded area that has an opening to the dual carriage way. The reason this place is so significant is because it’s the place my husband found me many times after Esme passed away and stopped me running on to the road. Today, I stood there in my Ever Since Esme sweatshirt on, thinking of how far I’ve come. Now wanting to be alive for Esme, rather than wanting to join her.

My message with this post is to never give up, just hold on for another day. As much as I would’ve hated to hear that at the time, I know things can get better. Words I wouldn’t even of been able to comprehend back then but overtime things improve.

I’ve battled bipolar disorder since my teens, attempted suicide twice at 17, struggle for 7 years to conceive and had multiple miscarriages. So many struggles I never thought I’d get through. Then came the loss of my daughter; the thing I was certain I’d never survive. Truly the worst time of my life which can still be too painful to think about. I’m different person to who I use to be one that now lives with PTSD but I have survived and all I now want is to proudly live for my daughter.

Time can change a lot. Around a year on from being ready to end it all, i’m here after working so hard on myself and building a legacy for my daughter to help others, I know she’s looking down with pride.

I love you so much my beautiful girl, thank you for always being my inspiration and guiding me through. 💛
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