Before I became pregnant with Lowen I used to question how I could ever find the space in my heart for another love. It’s true what they say that there is no love quite like the one of a parent and that rush was instant with Esme. I couldn’t imagine how I would ever be able to share that with someone else. The minute I fell pregnant with Lowen those worries quickly disappeared and my heart only grew.
Most parents with a second child have to learn how to divide their time between the two and provide equal attention. For a loss mum, we have the same struggles however they just look slightly different. Although Esme is not here to parent earth side, she will always be my first love. So no matter how much life changes that will never deter.
At the weekend, despite Lowen being in hospital I made a real point to visit a sunflower field nearby. I knew the sunflowers wouldn’t be out for much longer and it was something I always wanted to do for Esme. We found one sunflower that was standing high on its own and it felt like a sign from her. I was so pleased we were able to do this and create a special moment in which we felt close to her. It’s things like that keep you going as a loss mum.
I worried that it would become more difficult to do these special things after we had Lowen but realised it’s up to us to ensure it doesn’t. We will continue to involve her in everything we do. I know my love will only continue to grow. I feel blessed beyond belief to have two incredible little humans that I love more than I can ever measure and there was certainly no reason to be concerned.
