In the early days after losing Esme, I couldn’t get my head around that for everyone else, life went on as normal. It didn’t make sense to me how something so tragic could happen to us but the rest of the world went on the same.
I found myself wanting to scream at anyone I came across ‘my daughter died’. That came from wanting people to know my pain and having the urge to express that I’d had a baby.
Hearing people walking by laughing and joking, would infuriate me. It just felt so unfair that others could be happy whilst I was going through the most devastating loss. I felt like a dagger to the heart every time I’d hear laughter which seemed to act as a reminder of how that should’ve been me.
Sometimes I still have these fleeting thoughts, wondering how it’s fair people are going about life untouched. That’s not because I wish the pain on anyone else, I just envy their carefree life. I would do anything to go back to the happiness I had being pregnant with Esme.
