It doesn’t get easier…
When you first lose your loved one, everyone is so quick to tell you how it’ll get better and it won’t hurt forever. I’m here to say that’s a lie, the pain will stay the same and will continue to take your breath away but over time you become stronger. You start to grow around your grief, gain methods to cope and learn to accept it will always be there.
This post isn’t written to be negative or doom and gloom, instead, it’s designed to be realistic. Realistic in the fact you will never ‘move on’ from the death of your child and people insinuating that is incredibly hurtful. There’s no reason you should ever have to make others comfortable.
It’s okay if you aren’t ‘over it’ when people expect you to be. If you’re still aching to hold your child and carrying deep pain in your heart, that’s okay. It’s also okay to continue to do these things for as long as you need. It’s a personal journey and one we never chose.
Grief cycles will come and go, you’ll go through periods when things feel rough and other times which are easier to cope with. I’ve currently found myself in a fresh cycle, after a few months of doing well. Instead of getting frustrated about it, I’ve learned to lean into it and remind myself it’s completely normal. It’s just society that makes us feel weird for grieving after the typical year mark.
I hope other loss parents find peace from this post and know there’s no rush or pressure. It’s very important to express your emotions and avoid holding them in. In whichever way you feel, it’s good to express that grief will never go anywhere. It doesn’t matter if we have a smile on our face or we’re tearful, the ache for our child will always be there.
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